Snow and FAWMing Weekend

Music: None.

Mood: Okay.

So this weekend it’s supposed to snow like 2 feet so I’m planning on forgetting my FAWM false start and really throwing myself into it this weekend. Hopefully I won’t crash and burn. I plan on getting the first song I wrote recorded and uploaded, finish writing two half written songs and record them, and write and record one, if not two, complete songs. So by the end of the weekend I want six songs posted. Oh and write some lyrics for two collabs… So maybe 8?!?

Maybe I’ll write one about the blizzard conditions too.

Anyway, must sleep because am getting up tomorrow, making pancakes and tea and songwriting alllllllllll day.

Good FAWMing everyone. Stay safe in all that snow.

~ Sparks Out ~

FAWM 2010

Music: …

Mood: …

FAWM 2010. February Album Writing Month 2010. I’ve written 4 songs of lyrics. 2 and a half of those with piano. 1 recorded and posted… I’m not doing good.

I think I’m too worried about not being “good enough”. Good enough for what? Me. I think. I’ve been fighting with myself over my ability to sing and play piano. And just generally write good music. I don’t know… Sometimes I think: I don’t have enough experience to be doing this, I don’t have enough talent, I don’t have enough ability, I don’t know enough music theory, I don’t have enough money for the right equipment, I don’t have this, I don’t have that. But maybe they’re just excuses for not sitting down and just doing it.

I’ve been having annoying music lessons too. I come out of them and just don’t want to do it anymore. I think the fact is I’m not really trying. I think I am good at this. I just don’t try. I think right now I’m scraping by on the little bit I am doing. I get so annoyed at myself when I sit down at the piano and just look at it, like what the F*** is this thing. I’ve had 2 and a half years of piano lessons, shouldn’t I know this by now? Some people are way better at this by the time they’ve learned this much. Does that mean I’m  not talented? Does that mean I’m not applying myself? Does that mean I’m not spending enough time practicing? Does that mean I’m just dumb?

I don’t know what any of this means, it just leaves me upset. Singing lessons are driving me crazy because I don’t want to hear myself sing. Somewhere between this FAWM and last FAWM I convinced myself that I actually suck at singing, so therefor I do. I sing a song all the way through in singing class and by the end the teacher and I can’t even hear myself because I’ve convinced myself I suck so much that I shouldn’t even be doing this that I get quieter and quieter. It’s horrible. I don’t know whether I should quit or I should torture myself until even I have to admit, I’m good.

I know if I really do it, I can be good. Maybe even great. I’m just having trouble right now seeing that it will be worth it. I’m just trying to change it and make it different and it’s not working. I have what I have, now what am I going to do with it?

~ Me ~

Reading Reading Reading…

Music: Pandora playlist: Minipop.
Mood: Slow.
I’ve been reading stuff I needed to all day. Slow easy day so far. Tomorrow just more of the same.
I watched the Proposal with Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds in it. I found it really funny! I think it was the strange mood I was in, I just really needed a laugh. And as a romantic comedy it didn’t go beyond complete disbelief and it didn’t get stupid. I think Ryan Reynolds was adorable in it. I don’t even really like him, or Sandra Bullock that much, usually but I thought they had good chemistry. Oh I almost forgot! I loved Betty White! She is an awesome little old lady. She kept being awesomely inappropriate.

Tonight after I’m done reading, and practicing the piano, and doing general productive stuff, I might watch the Yes Man.

FAWM is creeping closer and closer and closer still… I’m getting more and more scared as it approaches! I don’t know why. I think I’m anticipating it too much. Really I feel a mixture of excited and horrified. I’m doing this?!?! Again?! Really?!? Yeah I must be insane. Just a little. 14 songs in 28 days. Not as bad as I’m making it out to be.

Actually I’ve always found it kind of easy. Maybe I don’t hold my songs up to high enough standards, or maybe it’s the fact that I post lyrics only sometimes, I don’t know. Or maybe it’s the fact that I like doing it and it gives me the push I need to finish a song. Or 2 or 20.

I feel like this year could be my downfall, you know? This could be the year I find it tremendously hard. I end up not finishing. Considering the fact that I’ve finished with 22 one year and 30 the next, maybe I’m just psyching myself out. A little. Oh okay a lot.

Anyway am looking forward to seeing what everyone else produces at least.

I’ma go back to reading now.

Monday is tomorrow. Hello new week!

~ Sparks Out ~

Challenges of Life

Life is one big challenge broken in to little pieces. From learning to walk to learning to drive. From one challenge to the next we go, not thinking about it, just moving on. After concurring, or failing, one thing it’s on to the next. Maybe it’s a little challenge like learning to bake something new or its a huge life changing one like becoming a doctor. To each and every person they have different challenges to face and fears to get over. Maybe your challenges are harder so in turn your life is harder, or you feel like you’ve never truly been challenged before. Maybe you love challenges and only do your best when presented with bigger and bigger problems or maybe you prefer life to hit you with as little as possible.

One thing I’ve learned about challenges though, you don’t pick the challenges, they pick you. And you might not always (or ever) be ready for them but you have to do your best when faced with one, because they don’t usually go away.

Sometimes people hunt challenges out, they get a more challenging job or they get a more challenging degree. Or they do the opposite they shy away from that new promotion because the position is more difficult and challenging.

Challenges push us out of our boundaries, they force us to face things that one might otherwise not face. And with every little thing they push us to do, they move us forward, they make us who we are.

So who are you? Do you take challenges on?

I try, I really do…

Three Weeks In…

Music: Imogen Heap – Aha! Good song, go listen to it. Now.

Mood: Sleepy.

Three weeks into the new year… How’s it treating everyone? I’m doing good so far. Done a bit. 2010, strange to write out.

I watched the Golden Globes on Sunday… They were good. Up won best animated picture and was it soundtrack? And Robert Downey JR as Sherlock Holmes won for Best actor in a comedy or musical. Also watched Monsters Vs. Aliens for the first time. I liked it. I liked it lots. Reese Witherspoon as a very giant woman is funny.

Oh and I watched Good Will Hunting a few days ago. It was awesome. It has Matt Damon and Ben Affleck and Robin Williams in it. *Spoilers* For some reason Robin Williams has always bugged me, I don’t know why. But I think this was his best role ever. Playing a serious dude for once. I think the psychological development of Matt Damon’s character was well written and well acted. Also the development of Williams character was equally good. I think coming from the place that Will Hunting (Matt Damon’s character) did, he would have needed the kind of, almost unorthodox, therapy that Sean Maguire (Robin Williams’ character) provided. And I think given Sean’s past it’s only right that he, a professor at a community college who had his own issues, could have helped him (Will) get past his problems and make Will except someone into his life. And by pushing back at him and not letting Will think that he could push everyone around and therefor push them away he showed him that not everyone will take his crap and he has to get past his own issues and flaws or he will die alone and still in Boston. And he made him realize that because he actually had a gift, not to resent it, but to realize his full potential, and that he wanted more and he could get more, then to be alone and never leave. And I think Ben Afflecks character, as his friend, helped him a lot by telling him that he wanted him to just not be there one day. Just disappear as it were. Because in a way Will might have been hanging around because it was the easy thing to do and he thought that all his friends would be there forever and he wanted that life and when he saw that his friends didn’t ever expect he would or want him to be stuck in that life he realized that everyone could see things he was just finding out. And it was time to act on that. *Spoilers*

But that’s just what I think. Anyway, get the movie. it’s good.

I just realized the other day… I think I’m a photographer. Really it just occurred to me. I like taking photos, I took more photos this year then I ever have. I took some pretty damn good ones too, if I may say so myself. One of my hobbies is photography. I need to get some damned hobbies that aren’t artistic. Everything I do is. Down to decorating cakes.

FAWM! February Album Writing Month! FAWM! FAWM.org!

FAWM starts in 13 days… Wooo. I’m looking forward to it. The plan this year is 14 songs. No more, no less. Recorded and posted, for all to hear. Well not all… Only members of FAWM. That’s why you should join though, well and to write 14 songs in 28 days. That’s good too.

I got my mic to plug into my computer so now I can demo wherever I have my mic and laptop. Now all I need is a midi in and out to a USB for my piano. Hopefully the one I’m looking at will work good. Then I can have pretty good recordings. Then all I need to do is figure out where to host them so they’re playable.

Oh and I’ve had two singing lessons. They’ve been okay, I’m still getting into the swing of them. My first song is Shall We Dance from the King and I. I used to like that musical as a kid. I haven’t seen it in forever. I probably wouldn’t like it as much now.

Piano is going great. One of the things of the new year I’ve been trying to do (and this is not a resolution I didn’t make any of those this new year) is practice ten minutes, just ten minutes everyday. And it’s really helping already. Which is good.

I can’t believe how weak my voice has got since last FAWM. I haven’t really been singing with any regularity since last FAWM, and it totally shows. Anyway hopefully vocal lessons will give me a push to sing more. And FAWM, that will be even better.

~ Sparks Out ~

Happy New Year!

Welcome 2010! Welcome New Decade! Let’s get through this year.

~ Spark ~

10 Favorite Albums Of The Decade:

1. Fallen – Evanescence,
2. Something Real – Meg and Dia,
3. No Silence – ATB,
4. Waves And The Both Of Us – Charlotte Sometimes,
5. Riot! – Paramore,
6. The Black Parade – My Chemical Romance,
7. Swoon – Silversun Pickups,
8. The Airborne Toxic Event – The Airborne Toxic Event,
9. In Blue – The Corrs,
10. Hot Fuss – The Killers.

Holidays ya know?

Music: http://www.youtube.com/user/katem3 Seriously she is all I have been listening to. (and the Airborne Toxic Event) She’s pretty amazing.

Mood: Between okay and foul.

I got the Sims 3 for Christmas and played it non-stop until I started dreaming about it. Seriously it sucked. I woke up thinking that everybody was a Sim and was being controlled and had no personality and their future was predestined. It was horrible. Like puppets on strings.  That’s all we were. I had to shake the feeling all day.

And last night I had my new retainer in and woke up all night when I would close my teethe down on it. And I woke up with my teethe hurting so bad I wanted to… I wanted to…  Relieve the pain.  Blah sucky.

One day soon I’m going to get a good nights sleep. I swear. (I hope)

I went and saw Sherlock Holmes on Christmas day! It was awesome! I think everyone should go see it! Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law were awesome in it. I would go see it again actually, I liked it that much. I would go more into it but I don’t feel like it. Just go see it for yourselves and don’t judge it on any reviews.

I got two ten dollar gift cards to iTunes for Christmas too. I guess I have to use them now. I don’t know what I’m going to buy with them.

I’ve been reading Craig Ferguson’s book! It’s pretty awesome, he’s a damn good writer. I need to get the fictional book he wrote.

More to come… Tomorrow. For now am tired.

~ Sparks Out ~

Merry Christmas! More Snow Pics

Merry Christmas!

~Sparks ~

Snow Pics